Things You Hate/Transcript

NARRATOR: "Through the grogginess of a freshly awakened mind, I can observe my surroundings only one thing at a time. The morning light shining from the skylight is bright and sky-colored. It reflects from the white walls and the colorful posters and paintings. I hope nobody at school realized that I spent the night here. They didn't find out the last time, so I am feeling confident about my chances. My neck is stiff and my shoulders are hurting like hell from sleeping in an awkward position like that. I can't even remember when I fell asleep... only the full moon and Rin, warm against me. I can't remember her waking up either, leaving my side. However, she has."

NARRATOR: "Rin is standing in the middle of the atelier, looking as if she was lost. She's not looking at anything I can see, not doing anything. Just standing there. She's managed to dress up a little by herself, a strange thing. I thought that at least would've been impossible without hands. I get up and walk to her, patting her on the shoulder to get her attention."

HISAO: "Hey."

NARRATOR: "She flinches at the contact. I've never seen Rin flinch. Rin looks a bit panicky, a bit anxious, a bit defensive. It's as if she was a completely different person last night. Perhaps she was. My heart drops straight down to my stomach, full of liquid nitrogen."

HISAO: "I... I'm sort of sorry."

RIN: "Why sorry?"

HISAO: "It wasn't very tactful of me. You know, last night."

RIN: "But isn't that sort of thing something you want? Because you like me?"

NARRATOR: "So blunt. I am completely baffled by Rin's approach to this."

HISAO: "No, I... even if it was, I think I'd prefer for things to go properly."

NARRATOR: "Rin cocks her head, looking like she has no idea what I'm talking about. She still has this guarded feel about her, but nothing belies any real emotion."

RIN: "So you don't want to do that sort of things?"

HISAO: "I didn't say that."

RIN: "So you do?"

HISAO: "I didn't say that either. Listen, it doesn't even matter. I just don't think it was the best thing I could have done in that situation and I tried to apologize."

NARRATOR: "I wonder for whose benefit I'm trying to come clear with these feelings. I don't even know why I'm feeling so terribly guilty."

RIN: "Maybe. I don't think it was a very good idea either. Probably. It's like you said. We are not like that. We are friends. It was a bad idea. Maybe you should forget about it and I will too. I'm really good at forgetting things so it should be all right with me."

HISAO: "I can't do that."

RIN: "Why?"

HISAO: "Because I like you, that's why."

RIN: "I told you that you shouldn't talk about that."

HISAO: "I don't agree. Besides, you brought it up yourself before."

NARRATOR: "I hold my hand up and pinch the bridge of my nose in frustration. I have no idea how to get Rin to understand. I hate that Rin can't clearly tell what she feels about anything. I hate that she's sending these confusing signals, as if she's expecting me to read her mind."

HISAO: "Do you hate me?"

NARRATOR: "She actually thinks about this for some time."

RIN: "I don't hate anything. I don't think I'm a hateful person."

HISAO: "Then, what am I to you? Help me understand."

NARRATOR: "I try to sound as reasonable as I can, but I don't know if it will help. Rationally thinking, this is the only way to get her to understand my point of view. Problem is, rationality never was a thing for Rin. It doesn't restrict her like it restricts me. It's not her driving force. It doesn't make her behave like a normal person."

RIN: "I can't."

NARRATOR: "The same answer. I feel so powerless. I feel frustrated."

HISAO: "Why?"

RIN: "I don't think you'd understand. I am not sure if I do."

HISAO: "I need to understand why. I'm not going to give up, you know."

NARRATOR: "Rin's shoulders slump and she frowns."

RIN: "I know."

HISAO: "I do want to be there for you, but I can't do that unless I know how."

RIN: "Just let me do this thing the way I want. That's all."

HISAO: "Fine. I don't care. You wanted to change? You wanted to destroy yourself? You want this exhibition more than anything, right?"

RIN: "Yes."

HISAO: "Okay. Then do it."

NARRATOR: "She doesn't respond, or even show acknowledgment of understanding. I'm grinding my teeth together, frustrated beyond anything I thought possible. I want to grab Rin's shoulders and shake her until she comes to her senses. I look at her, and in that moment I know with crystal-clear certainty that there is nothing I can do for Rin. None of the words I know would reach her. But still..."

HISAO: "I think that, for whatever reason, you think it's important that you go this way all the way to the end. Even if it's not healthy for you, on many different levels. But I'll have nothing to do with it. I can't accept being treated like this, and not understanding the reasons for it. I'm finished here."

NARRATOR: "The full weight of what I said sinks in the silent distance between us. Rin doesn't show any reaction, nor even blinks her eyes. She just stares at or through me, quietly."

RIN: "That's fine."

NARRATOR: "Her voice is perfectly calm, emotionless like an announcement that the 7:30 train will be seven minutes late. With those words, Rin made her choice, and I made mine. If either of us secretly wanted to change our mind, it's too late for that. I take a hard, long look at Rin, hoping that it conveys my feelings. Without knowing whether it does or not, I leave the atelier for the last time, feeling empty and anxious like so many times before."

END OF ACT 3

Next Scene: Illusions for People

^[1]HISAO: "It doesn't really matter whether I understand you or not. I just want to know."